Powder Room Talk

Should I Friend Request My Fuck Buddy?

I received this email from one of our readers and she needs advice on whether she should friend request her "friends with benefits" guy on Facebook after seeing he has an account. Mind you, they've been on and off for about 6 mos. and although we can assume he has seeing her profile or at least has received the "hey, so and so is also on Facebook" message he has never friended her. Hmm, what do you guys think? This girl needs advice and I'd like to get both the female and male point of view on this.


Hi, I've read your story on "the girl after the girlfriend" and I have a love dilemma and need advice. I've been seeing this guy on and off for about 6 mos. Honestly, I'm falling for him but he doesn't want a relationship plain and simple. At this point I think we're simply friends with benefits because at the end of the day, after we're done being intimate I don't get to see or hear from him till a week later when he calls me or I drunk dial him and invite myself to his place.

Why I Dated The Wrong Men

Perfect Suitor was an attractive young professional who loved great food and great company. On our first date he was attentive to my needs, affectionate, interested in getting to know me, and ordered for me which made me feel like a princess. His conversations had essence and he obviously had a good head on his shoulders. On our first date he wanted to paint the town of Orlando red with me. The next day he still couldn't get enough of me and asked to see me again. He couldn't wait an entire weekend so we made plans for lunch the next day. The next day, in clear sunlight and with no alcohol in sight, we had a great time and he was so attentive to me and wanting to freeze time so we can carry our lunch date into the evening.

For days he showered me with attention and he seemed ideal, a total boyfriend material. Seriously, my friends were wondering if I should go for an MRI or some therapy cause I was pushing this perfect guy away and still pursuing the guy who showed me no genuine interest. I would get home after a great date with a few glasses of wine in my system and feeling a bit frisky I would give my fingers blisters texting Mr. Wrong and showering him with my overly friendly and willing personality. Rather than call or text the Perfect Suitor who would've really appreciated my attention, I gave it to the fungus, Mr. Wrong.

Top 6 Reasons Why Taken Men Are More Alluring

 

While most women are not interested in taking a bite of the forbidden fruit some women find a man who is taken more alluring than a single man. In this powder room we're all bout "chicks before dicks"- no man is worth hurting another woman agreed? But we're still curious about what makes these men alluring? Here we have listed the top 6 reasons to their attraction. Ladies, did we leave any out?
 

He's off limits: While a woman can pretty much have any single man she lays her eyes on, a man who is already in a relationship will not be on her menu. This can present the perfect challenge for a woman who constantly needs attention to feed her ego- it's a self-gratifying experience when her looks can obtain what is off limits.  If she can curb this man's interest she is one step ahead of his wife or girlfriend and for some women competition of this sort becomes an obsession.

They appear safer: A married man or a guy with a girlfriend can appear to have a less chance at STDs than single men who are bedding different women. Some women find this idea comforting since they would think that aside from the wife or girlfriend, he's only having sex with her.

Advice: Is He Really Into Me Or Just Leading Me On?

We received the email below from a confused college girl who needs love advice. I have a feeling he likes her attention and company but has no real interest in anything else. What do you guys think?

Please share your thoughts since Confused College Girl will be reading the post for advice.

 

 

 

 

Hi,

So I need some advice. Ok, I have been friends with this guy since the very first day of college.  He was my first college friend- I still remember the look he gave me the first time I saw him look at me, the first time he asked me for my name, for my number, to hang out.  I remember every little detail.  He's the first guy I had actually really liked and saw as being more than just a friend (I was 19 at the time). We became friends and starting hanging out first semester- and the only thing he ever did was giving me hugs.  But I could tell he liked me since he always complimented me in front of people and asked to hang out despite my many turn downs.  But came winter break I did not see or hear from him because he was in another country so that was totally understandable.  Needless to say- I missed him terribly.  So came spring semester and we started hanging out again a lot- we saw each other all the time and were really good friends.  Finally one day when he walked me to my car and he FINALLY kissed me.  Then after that night we became like a couple- only we were not boyfriend/girlfriend- to my knowledge he was not seeing anyone else.

We would kiss goodbye, he would tell me to call when I got home so that he knew I was home safe and little details like that-he never asked me out on a date.  While we were in bed together he asked if I wanted to try sex.  We had already gone pretty far- I mean we knew every inch of each other's body and had oral sex- but not sex sex.  Despite how much I liked him- and trust me, I was and still am head over heals for him- I told him that I did not think it was a good idea because we were just friends and summer was coming and I did not think we were going to see each other.  Even though he told me we would see each other during summer we only talked 3 times even though I only lived 2 hours away from him. I got so upset that and eventually confronted him when school started again and his only excuse was that he couldn't drive over to see me since he had to work?

I'm so invested in this guy and I'm really confused. I don't know if he likes me and just doesn't want a girlfriend or if he's simply using me and taking advantage of the fact that I care for him and I'm always too nice to him?

The other day he walked around campus with a huge hickey on his neck even though he claims he's not seeing anyone else. I've cried my eyes out for this guy and he's oblivious to my love for him. I wish he could simply disappear out of my life. I don't think he feels the same for me and it's destroying me inside. What can I possibly do to get his attention or get over this heartache?

Signed,
Confused College Girl   

Powder Room Talk: Letting that man go

When I began this blog I was involved with someone I've called flaco. If you're my chica, you've heard of him. You've been there for the jaw dropping sexual stories and you've been there to lend me a shoulder when I wanted to cry myself out. El flaco was always Mr. Unavailable; my first experience at love, the giver of my back arching orgasms and those tears that carried on through out the night.

He was always Mr. Unavailable.

Back in February 2009 my fears came to a reality, he relocated back to PR and I literally thought I would never have sensation in that part of my heart that creates emotions for someone. Don't get me wrong, the signs were always there brighter than the Vegas strip but I didn't have enough respect and appreciation for myself to walk out all the times he put me on his back pockets. While I was chasing the wrong guy there were many perfect suitors who wanted to shower me with much deserving appreciation and respect. These men gave me the attention and respect I didn't demand from el flaco. They laughed at my jokes and called mid week to book a date Friday night. Before the appetizers sat on the table they were asking questions  because they were interested in knowing me. They sent those texts mid afternoon following a date to tell me how much fun they had and a few "hope to see you again". And guess what was the true test that they were (genuinely) into me? They picked up the phone when I would call!

(Wanna know who really wants you and who just wants you around? Call and see how often they answer your calls vs. the calls that ring endlessly to a vml or those dreadful "ignore" and go straight to vml..yikes, ever feel your heart sink to the bottomless pit of your stomach each time this happens?) 

The girl "after" the girlfriend

  Last week I read an interesting article on The Frisky.com titled, "The girl before the girlfriend"and I felt Christiana Yiallourides was my conjoined twin or something. I felt I've been that girl she wrote about on her article many times. However, in my last encounters with men it's been the other way, I've been the girl after the girlfriend. You know, the girl that walks in after he's exhausted himself in a three-year or so relationship, has shelved an engagement ring barely worn, and in turn is avoiding any sort of relationship with any woman for a long time.

I am a believer that time heals all wounds but I tend to walk into the life of these men when the wound is still bleeding. I've always felt that some girl out there took the very best of him when he was fresh and willing to give and commit and then she left him or it ended and when she packed her stuff she boxed up half of him as well. The man I run into is still being nursed back to life by his buddies or is trying to hook up with as many women as he can to either fill some void inside or keep the other side of his bed accessorised with a warm body. Sorry guys, not to stick my claws in your jugular but I feel men unlike women, who most of the time take "alone" time to re-connect with themselves or spend their time with their girlfriends to re-connect and get girl therapy, men on the other hand try to ravage through the catalog of boobs out there. The men I've met were obviously not thinking about investing time with someone exclusively for awhile.

I said the "L" word

Last night I met el flaco again after almost three months of not seeing him. You all know how I saw him last time; he still says it was rude of me to not walk over and say hi to him at Target. Hmm, if he would only know my little drama that day! Last night was the night that either threw me under the bus traveling 115 mph or the night I confessed to this man what he really meant under the intoxication of Cabernet. And I think you know where this is going right? Note to self: Cabernet makes me say the "L" word!
It felt surreal; there I stood next to him at the bar over at Bone Fish Grill and while my Cabernet was breathing I felt suffocated with so many words gurgling at the tip of my tongue. I wanted to tell el flaco that I missed him, I feel I love him, I want every part of him and I can't understand why it can't be. What is so wrong about me, him, or this Orlando place he dislikes? I wanted to grab his face and hold it firmly so he can stare into my eyes and see me, really see me and ask himself if he really can't give us a chance? So what if he hates Orlando right?